Stay-At-Home Moms Don't Have to be Stressed Out

We have seen a lot in the news lately about the debate between stay-at-home moms and working moms. It saddens me that either group has to defend their commitment to their family whatever their choice may be. What irritates me the most is this latest fad of articles that talks about how the stay-at-home mom is more stressed and depressed than the working mom. Even if the research is true (which I don't believe it is), AT-Home MOMS DON'T HAVE TO BE STRESSED OUT! So let's delve in shall we.

I read these articles and this incomplete research and shake my head. Whose agenda is this anyway? I myself was on a fast track career path before we adopted our 3 children in 2006. After they came, my desire to be home completely changed. I had waited so long to be a mom, I just wanted to capture every moment once it finally happened. I am also a home schooler and I enjoy it immensely. I AM FAR FROM STRESSED OUT! There was a time when I was a bit stretched because of an organization that I was a part of. It was difficult to handle the pressure and expectation and live the life that I desired to live at the same time. Once we removed ourselves from that controlling influence, our lives have taken a much more exciting turn. So much so, that we are adopting 3 more children this year and are ecstatic about it! I run my own company and non-profit out of my home that focuses on my passion of adoption and foster care. I love what I do and the opportunity to home school my children at the same time. I thank God for a loving and supportive husband who recognizes how hard I work and gives me time to pursue other interests.

I share all of this for a reason. There are several reasons why a stay-at-home mom can be stressed out. Many of which can include the following:

1)  Financial Stress
If the decision to stay home came with the decision to cut a significant amount of income from your household BUT not cut back on expenses and lifestyle, then it can be stressful. A family must decide if  they can maintain their lifestyle on the new income  or if they need to make adjustments. Is it the right time to stay home? Is it really going to work for your family? Also, taking a look at your talents and passions, is their something you can do from home that will make up for the lost income? Answering these questions will help alleviate the stress.

2)  Difficult Marital Times
If your relationship with your husband is not tight and strong, it can be easy to hold resentment and bitterness toward him for having time away so often. A husband must be supportive and 100% on board with the idea of a wife staying home. He must also be 100% supportive of her efforts, the work she does and the fact that she needs a break often to rejuvenate and refuel. On the flip side of this, the wife must want to be at home. It cannot be a forced issue, or she will be stressed and bitter about it. Open communication and willingness to value the role each of you have chosen is paramount.

3)  Disorder
An unorganized and cluttered environment is enough to stress anyone out. Get help if needed. Get the house in "working order". Clean out, under and around the house and create systems that work for your family. It will make things easier and your environment definitely affects your mood and reaction to life.
    
4)   Outside Forces
Take inventory of things that you are a part of, relationships that are toxic and duties that are not required and determine if they are a source of stress. If you are surrounded by people that do not support your efforts, dreams or goals for your family, it can stress you out!

5)   Sometimes as moms, we can use a check-up from the neck-up. Attitude is everything. Sometimes we start complaining about things we have the ability to change. Prayer, perspective and reality always help get you back on track. Prayer= getting God involved. Perspective= counting ALL the many blessings around you. Reality= what is the truth and what is embellished discontent.

On the opposite side of the spectrum are mothers who HATE their careers and want to be able to stay home. They may be depressed because they feel trapped and want a different life. Planning and an agreement between you and your spouse could be all you need to head in that direction.

The most important thing is that you  know what you want, figure out how to make it happen and keep yourself motivated and in an environment that supports that. If you and your spouse decide for you to work or stay home, do your thing and make no apologies for it! STAY-AT-HOME MOMS DO NOT HAVE TO BE STRESSED OUT!